“HEY! LET’S GET MOVING! WE’RE BEHIND SCHEDULE!”
Sometimes that’s exactly what leadership sounds like.
There are moments when people need to feel some heat. The schedule is slipping. Something unsafe is happening. A team has lost its energy and needs someone to bring some.
Is the best leadership calm? Or forceful? Soft-spoken or loud?.
The more interesting question is:
Did you choose that response—or did it choose you?
Calm Doesn’t Mean Quiet
Something happens and we react quickly.
Someone challenges us in a meeting. A direct report makes the same mistake again. We learn that a deadline everyone committed to is about to be missed.
Our bodies respond before we’ve figured out what to do. Irritation. Anxiety. Tightness. A sudden urge to take control.
That’s not necessarily a problem. It’s information.
The leadership opportunity is creating just enough space between that reaction and what happens next to make a choice.
That’s what we mean by calm.
Not low energy. Not pleasant. Not passive.
Enough internal steadiness to choose what the moment actually needs from you.
Try It With Something You’re Facing Right Now
Think of one leadership situation that’s getting under your skin.
Before deciding what to do, use the space to look in three directions:
1. Look at the situation.
- What’s actually happening, without my interpretation?
- What needs to change?
- What does this situation require from me as the manager?
2. Look at yourself.
- What’s happening in me right now?
- Am I angry, anxious, defensive, avoiding, or eager to take control?
- Is that reaction helping me see the situation clearly—or getting in the way?
3. Choose your response.
- What do these people need from me right now?
- Curiosity? Clarity? Encouragement? A firm boundary?
- Does this moment need less of my energy—or considerably more?
- What response gives us the best chance of moving forward?
Maybe you ask:
“Help me understand what happened.”
Maybe you say:
“This cannot happen again.”
And maybe the right response really is:
“HEY! WE NEED EVERYBODY MOVING. WE’RE LOSING THE DAY!”
Good leadership isn’t about suppressing intensity. It’s about choosing it.
That’s the Inside-Out Work
Communication tools and management techniques matter. We use them too.
But the technique comes after the choice. And the best choices are made when the leader has access to their best thinking – not under a fight-or-flight reaction.
So first, notice what’s happening. Understand what’s driving you. Calmly decide what the situation actually calls for.
Then communicate with everything you’ve got.
The question isn’t, “Am I calm?”
It’s:
“Am I choosing my response, or is my reaction choosing for me?”
Because self-regulation doesn’t make leaders less powerful.
It gives them more choice about how to use their power.
Aug 20 BLOG The Space Before You Respond
“HEY! LET’S GET MOVING! WE’RE BEHIND SCHEDULE!”
Sometimes that’s exactly what leadership sounds like.
There are moments when people need to feel some heat. The schedule is slipping. Something unsafe is happening. A team has lost its energy and needs someone to bring some.
Is the best leadership calm? Or forceful? Soft-spoken or loud?.
The more interesting question is:
Did you choose that response—or did it choose you?
Calm Doesn’t Mean Quiet
Something happens and we react quickly.
Someone challenges us in a meeting. A direct report makes the same mistake again. We learn that a deadline everyone committed to is about to be missed.
Our bodies respond before we’ve figured out what to do. Irritation. Anxiety. Tightness. A sudden urge to take control.
That’s not necessarily a problem. It’s information.
The leadership opportunity is creating just enough space between that reaction and what happens next to make a choice.
That’s what we mean by calm.
Not low energy. Not pleasant. Not passive.
Enough internal steadiness to choose what the moment actually needs from you.
Try It With Something You’re Facing Right Now
Think of one leadership situation that’s getting under your skin.
Before deciding what to do, use the space to look in three directions:
1. Look at the situation.
- What’s actually happening, without my interpretation?
- What needs to change?
- What does this situation require from me as the manager?
2. Look at yourself.
- What’s happening in me right now?
- Am I angry, anxious, defensive, avoiding, or eager to take control?
- Is that reaction helping me see the situation clearly—or getting in the way?
3. Choose your response.
- What do these people need from me right now?
- Curiosity? Clarity? Encouragement? A firm boundary?
- Does this moment need less of my energy—or considerably more?
- What response gives us the best chance of moving forward?
Maybe you ask:
“Help me understand what happened.”
Maybe you say:
“This cannot happen again.”
And maybe the right response really is:
“HEY! WE NEED EVERYBODY MOVING. WE’RE LOSING THE DAY!”
Good leadership isn’t about suppressing intensity. It’s about choosing it.
That’s the Inside-Out Work
Communication tools and management techniques matter. We use them too.
But the technique comes after the choice. And the best choices are made when the leader has access to their best thinking – not under a fight-or-flight reaction.
So first, notice what’s happening. Understand what’s driving you. Calmly decide what the situation actually calls for.
Then communicate with everything you’ve got.
The question isn’t, “Am I calm?”
It’s:
“Am I choosing my response, or is my reaction choosing for me?”
Because self-regulation doesn’t make leaders less powerful.
It gives them more choice about how to use their power.