There’s more to the universe than things.
There’s a relationship.
Atoms used to be the stars of the show—neat, tidy particles bouncing around in Newton’s sandbox. But we’ve moved on. Quantum physics tells us that everything affects everything else. Reality is relational.
And if that’s true at the atomic level, it’s certainly true at work.
Whether you’re building teams, running meetings, or launching a new idea, one thing is guaranteed: your success depends on your working relationships. That’s straight from Michael Bungay Stanier, whose book How to Work with (Almost) Anyone we keep recommending.
And yet… how many of us actually work on our relationships?
We complain about them. Tolerate them. Vent in the car or at dinner. But how often do we sit down with a colleague, boss, direct report or co-founder and say, “How can we make this working relationship great?”
Joanne and Steve have journeyed now 37-years together, and we’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that even the most “natural” relationships need maintenance. Yes, we’re lucky to have easy banter and mutual respect. But we’ve also had to practice—especially in public, where people borrow our dynamic in the moment. Whether we’re on a stage co-leading a group session or co-navigating a tangle of post-its in our home office, we have to keep choosing “we.”
That’s what Michael’s five Best Possible Relationship questions are about. They’re not icebreakers or therapy sessions. They’re practical tools for co-creating safety, clarity, and strength in the relationships that matter most—especially at work.
Because once your working relationships feel solid, everything else gets easier. Ideas flow faster. Feedback lands better. Conflict feels safer. Energy builds instead of drains.
That’s true for bosses, clients, co-founders, romantic partners—even your mail carrier.
So instead of settling for the relationship you already have—on your role, your needs, your narrative—zoom out and focus on the relationship together. Make “we” your secret advantage. You can be among the few who actually talk about their relationship at work. Here are Michael’s brilliant questions. Ask yourself these questions, and be ready to share honestly. The questions and revelations are a two-way street when we are making a best-possible-relationship:
- What’s your best? Accentuate the positive in each other!
- What are your practices and preferences?
- What can you learn from past good relationships?
- What can you learn from past bad relationships?
- How will you fix our relationship when it goes wrong?
Inquire. Appreciate. Listen. Share. Learn. Are you willing to try it? With whom? Because relationships are the new frontier of work